


My Broken Angel

by jagermeisterdestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Depressed Castiel, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Suicidal Castiel, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4172442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jagermeisterdestiel/pseuds/jagermeisterdestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel ends up falling for a regular customer, but the sad thing is, he's taken, and Castiel only lets him in when he's intoxicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Have a great day."

**Author's Note:**

> Lisa is with Dean, and Castiel is just the quiet sales associate they meet at Gas-N-Sip. By the way, some characters are from the later seasons of the show, just for clarification.

Castiel's eyes shot open as he heard his alarm clock blaring. Tears rolled down his cheeks when he realized he had another nightmare about his ex-boyfriend Gabriel.

Gabriel literally tortured Castiel in the past, and Castiel still couldn't understand why he loved him so much.

Cas sighed, wiping his eyes and climbing out of bed after hitting the 'Snooze' button on his tiny alarm clock. He shuffled across the bedroom floor and into the bathroom to do his morning routine. As Castiel stared into the mirror, he remembered all the marks that used to be on his face because of his douchebag ex-boyfriend. He felt so broken now, and he still wishes Charlie would've never introduced him to that dickbag so many years ago.

After Castiel finished up in the bathroom, he went into his kitchen to make breakfast. Castiel lived alone, and if he was honest, being alone was better than being with someone who didn't love you like they said they did. He made himself a banquet breakfast meal because he was in capable of cooking anything other. Castiel didn't do much besides work. He barely ate, he barely spoke, and he barely slept. Castiel wouldn't admit it, but he was still afraid Gabriel would find him.

Suddenly, his phone rang, which was peculiar because nobody knew his number expect the people back home.

"Cas?" A small, female voice said into the phone.

"C-Claire?" Castiel said softly into the phone, "W-Why are you calling me?"

"I miss you, Cas. Mom has a new boyfriend, and he's nothing like Dad," Claire said.

Castiel sighed in the phone, "Claire, I've gotta go to w-work. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Okay, Cas, I love you," Claire told her big brother before hanging up.

Castiel pulled a small smile, but it soon faded when a horn honked outside. He quickly grabbed his vest and walked outside before locking up and hopping inside of his co-worker's car.

"Castiel!" Bonnie cheered in her Southern accent, "how is your morning so far?"

Castiel forced a smile on his face before replying, "I-It's been fine."

"That's great!" Bonnie cheered. She always was bright, cheery girl.

Bonnie drove off down the street towards the Gas-N-Sip. "Hey Cas, did you know that there's a yard sale that sells articles of clothing for fifty-nine cents?" she asked, pulling into the Gas-N-Sip parking lot. Castiel shook his head before climbing out of Bonnie's car. Bonnie just smiled and climbed out of her own car as well.

The assistant manager, Naomi, was already in the shop. "Castiel? You here already?" Naomi asked, "You didn't have to be here 'til three."

"Actually Naomi, I gave him a ride because I was supposed to be here at seven-thirty, and I didn't want him to be late," Bonnie answered, smiling at Cas.

Castiel gave a small smile before turning around and clocking in. Working was the only thing that kept his mind off of Gabriel.

 

"Alright Cas, since you're here early, you can take your shift at the counter, and Bonnie can do the stocking," Naomi said, heading back into her office.

 

Castiel walked behind the counter and unlocked the cash register. He checked to make sure everything was in place before heading over to switch the 'Open' sign on.

"Cas, you know, I can always take your shift for you if you need a break one day," Bonnie suggested, glancing over at Castiel, who was walking back over to the counter.

"That's okay, B-Bonnie," Castiel said softly yet loud enough for her to hear.

"Alright, but remember my offer," Bonnie said with a smile before restocking the snacks.

 

Castiel checked his watch. The delivery guy was going to be there around eight.

Castiel watched as an older man walked into the store, causing the bell to ring. He walked up to the counter. He had a gray ponytail and he was somewhat overweight. He looked like someone from the "Popeye's" cartoon. He placed twenty dollar bill onto the counter.

"I'll like twenty on pump five, and a pack of Menthols," he said with a deep, Southern accent that wasn't cheery like Bonnie's. It kind of scared Cas.

Castiel took the money and slipped it into the cash register before typing in the computer and turning back to grab a pack of Menthols. "That'll be seventy-eight cents," Castiel said softly, taking a deep breath to calm his anxiety before placing the carton onto the counter. The man placed a dollar on the counter before mumbling, "Keep the change," and taking his cigarettes and the receipt that Castiel left for him. "Have a great day," Castiel said loud enough for him to hear as he watched him leave the store.

"Hey Castiel," Bonnie greeted as she walked past to get to the storage room. Castiel only nodded before turning around to reorganize the cigarettes for the tenth time to pass by time.

 

Castiel listened as the bell rang again, but he didn't turn around just yet.

"Alright, Ben, you go pick you out a drink and a snack, and bring it up to me at the counter," Castiel heard the man say before turning around.

He watched as the attractive man walked back to the beer section.

Dammit, Castiel thought, you can't think like that. Remember Gabriel?

His past with Gabriel ruined his social life, and it was amazing how he still had a job.

 

_"Castiel," Gabriel yelled, slamming his beer bottle onto the table, "what the hell is this!?"_

_Castiel walked into the room to see where Gabriel was pointing. He forgot to do the dishes._

_"G-Gabe, I'm sorry," Castiel promised nervously, "I-I was at my parents' house."_

_Gabriel stomped over to Cas, and he slapped him across the face._

_"You are a fucking disgrace! Just go upstairs, and don't let me see you again for the night," Gabriel threatened, and Castiel never ran faster in his life._

_He cried for the rest of the night, and if he knew that the beatings would get worse, he would've left then._

 

"Excuse me, sir," the man said, knocking Castiel away from his memories.  Don't cry, Castiel told himself, don't cry.

"Uh, y-yes?" Cas asked, locking eyes with the green-eyed man. They made his knees buckle, even though he tried to tell himself not to like him.

 Castiel scanned the things the stranger placed on the counter one by one, and pressed the several keys that matched his items. "Five twenty-six," Castiel said softly, blushing when the man smiled at him. "Here," he said, handing him a credit card, "I also need forty on pump nine." Castiel read the name on the card, but 'Steven' didn't match the beautiful green-eyed man staring back at him.

Castiel swiped the card before handing it back to him along with his products.

"Thanks," the man said, looking at his name tag, "C-Castiel."

Against everything Castiel was thinking, Castiel blushed at how heavenly his name escaped his lips.

"Dean," the little boy, who Cas assumed was Ben, "Mom said to hurry."

Dean, Castiel thought, that matches.

"Alright, I'm comin'," Dean said, looking at Castiel one last time. "Have a great day," Dean said, walking out of the store with Ben.

Castiel smiled a small smile before continuing on working.


	2. "Hi, I'm Sam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you this: Amelia and Castiel are uterine siblings, which means her last name isn't 'Novak', Victor is Cas' stepdad, and this chapter is triggering.

"Cas," Amelia said into the phone, "are you still there?"

"Yeah," Cas said softly, throwing his work clothes into washer, "and Claire did call earlier."

"Let me guess, it's the damn 'Mom's new boyfriend is nothing like Dad'?" Amelia asked.

"Mhm," Cas replied, sighing.

Amelia scoffed before Castiel heard a bunch of shuffling and moving around. "Mom doesn't have a new boyfriend. She's still married to Victor, but I don't know what's gotten into Claire. She's been thinking that Mom's having an affair with Edward, and-"

"Wait, an affair - with Edward?" Castiel asked, confused.

"Yeah!" Amelia said, stuffing food in her mouth, "I don't know, but Mr. Carrigan seems very happy with Mrs. Carrigan, and plus, he only comes by when he needs to borrow your dad's old tools."

There was a little screaming in the background. "Hold on, Cas," Amelia said before yelling an indistinct conversation with most likely Claire or his mother. Castiel placed his phone on speaker before setting it done on the counter and digging into the fridge.

"Sorry, Cas," Amelia said, causing her voice to echo throughout the kitchen, "Claire's sixteen, and she still won't do anything Vic says to."

Cas laughed softly, "Well, I don't blame her. Dad left before she was even brought into the world, and I mean, she may never get used to 'im."

Castiel could feel Amelia's smile. "Aren't you a fuckin' thinker?"

Cas chuckled. He's always one of the happiest people speaking with the people he loves. "Hey Amy, how's Anna and Mike?" Castiel asked, pulling out a beer before picking his phone back up.

Amelia went silent for a minute, "Uh, actually. I don't know. They haven't exactly been 'round since Vic and Mom's wedding."

"Hmm," Cas said. After that, they said their goodbye's, and Castiel drank a beer while pulling out a cigaretter.

 

Castiel never had the intention of doing anything above a few beers, but everyone needs ways to block out the pain.

Castiel drinks and smokes his way unconscious sometimes, and if his family knew, they'd send him to rehab.

 

His phone rang again, and Castiel quickly blew out the smoke out before he answered the phone.

"H-Hello?" Castiel said into the phone, staring at the poisonous stick in his hand.

"Castiel? Is that you?" A familiar Southern accent said into the phone.

"Bonnie, w-why are you calling me?" Castiel asked a little quieter than usual.

"Well, uh, I was wonderin' if you could take my shift tomorrow," Bonnie suggested, "I'm really sorry to ask on such short notice, but my grandmother's in the hospital, and I wanted to fly to Kansas to see her. I mean, it's only for tomorrow, and I'll be back after that."

"Y-Yeah, sure," Cas answered, taking a hit from his cigarette.

"Well, okay, I'll - uh, I'll have a friend pick you up at eleven. Is that alright?" Bonnie questioned.

"Yeah," Castiel answered swiftly, wanting to get it over with.

"Okay, okay, uh, thank you, Cas. Bye," Bonnie said cheerfully before hanging up.

Castiel put his phone on the counter before grabbing his beer, turning around, and turning on the radio that was plugged in. "Livin' On A Prayer" started blaring through the radio.

Cas smoked the last of his cigarette before he grabbed his beer and went into his bathroom for the thing that kept his problems away. He took another swig of his beer.

  
Castiel hummed as he pulled out his old sardine box that contained his razor blade. He yanked down his shorts and sat on the toilet lid in his boxers as he sliced his thighs. One. Two. Three. Four. And before you know it, Castiel past out for the night with the radio blaring and blood trailing down his legs.

\---------------------------------------------------

A loud banging on the door awoken Castiel. He was sitting on the toilet lid, pants-less, with a pounding headache and loud radio station ads making it worse. "Shit," he muttered, standing up, wincing when he stretched out his scar-covered thighs. He pulled on his jeans, quickly ran towards the kitchen, frantically turned off the radio, and grabbed his damp vest from the washer machine. He slipped it on and grabbed his phone before opening his front door to come face-to-face with a really tall man.

 

"Hi, I'm Sam."


	3. "Sammy mentioned that I like your pie?"

The car ride to Gas-N-Sip has never been quieter. Castiel thought that maybe it was because Bonnie always drove him to work, and she happened to be talkative and cheery.

"So uh, Castiel, right?" Sam asked, glancing over at Cas.

Castiel hummed in response, glancing over at Sam. Something about Sam seemed oddly familiar, and even though, he didn't know the man, he felt like he did know him. He narrowed his eyes as he glared at the side of Sam's face, trying to put his finger on it. Sam noticed Cas' staring and looked over, causing Castiel's beet-colored face to look away.

Sam only laughed. "You work at the Gas-N-Sip up ahead, right?"

Castiel hummed again.

"It's funny because my brother lives a few blocks down, and he's got a thing for Gas-N-Sip pie," Sam spoke, chuckling slightly.

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. Brother? Who did he know that looked like Sam?

Castiel eyes lit up. "Does your brother happen to be, uh-" I know this name," Cas thought. "Dean!?"

Sam laughed, "Yeah, actually. You know 'im?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, he came in yesterday with a kid yesterday," Castiel remembered, rubbing his temples in result of thinking too hard.

"Yeah, that's Ben, Lisa's kid. He's only dated her for a month, and he acts like the kid's his," Sam thought aloud. He chuckled at the thought of his brother being a "father figure".

Sam pulled into a parking space in front of the gas station and turned to Cas, "You know, Castiel, you seem pretty cool."

Castiel pulled a smile, laughing softly, "Y-Yeah, I guess."

"How 'bout I call up my brother and we can go out for beers at that pub downtown to get to know each other," Sam offered, "We need a new friend every now and then."

Cas nodded. "I can give you my number?" He cringed as if it sounded like they were going to hookup. There's nothing wrong with Sam, Cas corrected, there's something wrong with himself. Castiel handed Sam the paper that he didn't even realize he grabbed, and Sam examined it. "See ya, Cas!" Sam called as Castiel climbed out.

Castiel politely waved and smiled before walking into the store. Violet was working the cash register when Cas walked in. Violet was the other person who took Castiel's shift when he had a day off etcetera. Bonnie's was David, but she had to call Cas, so apparently, he couldn't take it.

 

"Castiel," Violet politely greeted, handing the elder customer who was standing at the counter is change.

"Violet," Castiel replied with a slight nod of his head as he shuffled across towards the storage room, "Did the delivery man come yet?"

"Yes," she answered, "and it's already in there."

Castiel pulled the pull-string, and the light flickered on. He scanned the room. He quickly picked up the newest box and took it towards the bag of the store. He muttered curse words when he realized he forgot to grab an exactor knife. He stood up from his crouching position and scurrying back towards the counter. Suddenly, the bell rang as Castiel asked for Violet to hand him the exactor knife they kept in the drawers in the counter underneath the cash register.

"Hi, Castiel," a familiar deep voice startled Cas as his gaze followed towards the source.

Dean.

His eyebrows went up and Dean chuckled before walking across the store. He's probably searching for pie, Castiel thought. "It's on aisle three," Castiel said without thinking, and Dean turned back around.

"What is?" he questioned, an eyebrow quirking.

"Uh, p-pie," Castiel said pathetically.

Dean seemed confused but a smile broke out on his face, "Let me guess, Sammy mentioned that I like your pie?" Dean laughed.

It was Castiel's turn to look confused.

Dean laughed again. "Sammy called about our little 'hookup session'," Dean told a clueless Castiel before sending him a small wink.

Castiel's face flushed at Dean's friendly gesture as Dean turned around and went down aisle three. Castiel gripped the exactor knife so hard his knuckles turned white. He had only seen Dean once before now, and Castiel was crushing on him like a teenage girl. He quickly went back to the box he left. How the hell was he going to later on when he had to spend the day with him?


	4. "Fuck off, I'm Sting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter while jamming out to my playlist, okay? Okay. By the way, this chapter contains drug use.

Castiel sighed heavily as he nervously got ready. Sam texted saying they wanted to hang out tonight, and Castiel was afraid he'd make a fool of himself. He always had with Gabriel.

 

_"M-Mom," Cas said as he walked into the door, holding Gabriel's hand loosely, "this is Gabriel, my- my boyfriend."_

_Nancy, Cas' mother, smiled. "Hi, Gabriel, I'm Nancy."_

_Gabriel grinned, "Great to meet you."_

_"G-Gabe," Castiel said softly, afraid of screwing up and getting slapped, "w-would you like to meet the rest of my family?"_

_Gabriel faked a grin and nodded sheepishly. He pretended to be this polite man around people, and if Castiel had even tried to embarrass him, he would get beaten later._

_"This is my little sister Claire, my half-sister Amelia, and my step-dad Victor," Castiel introduced. He had been so afraid of Gabriel._

_"Hi, I'm Gabriel. It's a pleasure to meet you," Gabriel said with a smile and turned to look at Castiel. He still had a smile but his eyes were sending Castiel a warning not to mess up._

 

Castiel had decided to wear his suit, just so he could seem like an okay guy because he didn't want to be "corrected" any time soon. He adjusted his blue tie several times before pulling on a trench coat, so he wouldn't feel so exposed in just a suit. He didn't have dress shoes anymore because Gabriel threw them in water when he got pissed at Cas once, so Castiel had to wear his black boots.

Castiel checked his watch. Ten minutes until Sam arrived. Castiel grabbed his phone and hooked it up to his speaker and hit the shuffle button. "Headstrong" by Trapt blared loudly in the living room as Castiel stood up on his coffee table to reach inside the cupboard above his T.V. He pulled out a box and sat on the couch before opening up his box, pulling out the plastic baggie that contained his plant and his rolling paper. He quickly stood up, carried his things into the kitchen, and placed them on the island in the middle of the kitchen. He grabbed his lighter where it laid on top of the fridge and placed it on the island, too. Castiel hopped onto the surface and sat while rolling the smokable herb into the paper. After he finished rolling, he lit it and took a hit from it. He sighed at the flavor and how much he had missed it and pushed himself back so his back and head was against the surface. He hysterically laughed as he took a few more puffs from his blunt, loving the fact that he was numb from any pain. He sang obnoxiously to the chorus and practically missed the loud knocking of the younger Winchester, who happened to be early.

"I know that you are wrong," Castiel sang, high off his ass before bursting into a fit of giggles.

The knocking got louder, and this time Castiel heard it. He scrambled off the island and stuffed the box into the cabinets under the island before unplugging his phone and answering the door. He cleared his throat. "Sam," Castiel cheered, still incredibly high off his ass.

Sam quirked in eyebrow. "Are you high?" he asked, sniffing the smoke.

"No," Cas giggled, but then he hiccupped and it made him laugh harder.

Sam scoffed. "Go grab your key and come on," he said, obviously annoyed that Castiel was stoned and he'd be going out to drink alcoholic beverages. It suddenly didn't sound like a good idea. Castiel obliged and grabbed his apartment key off of the counter and walked out the door with Sam. Sam had to lock Castiel's door because Castiel was too busy laughing at a butterfly that landed on his door.

Sam helped Castiel into the car. Dean started up the Impala and glanced at Castiel through the rear-view mirror, but turned around to view him for himself. "Cas, are you baked?"

"No, I'm stoned," Castiel said, but then he realized that was what Dean was asking and laughed. "I am baked!" he cheered.

"Oh God," Dean muttered, putting the Impala into drive and driving out of the gate entrance. Castiel swayed in the seat. "Dean, turn on the radio!" Cas squealed, gripping the two seats and leaning forward. Dean glanced over at Cas and sighed, but did what he asked and turned it up. Sam was trying to block out the noises Castiel made, but Cas was like Bonnie when he was wasted. It kind of made them not want to go get drunk.

A Bon Jovi song played but it wasn't loud enough for Cas. "Dean, turn it up!" Castiel pleaded.

"Dammit Cas, why do you have to smoke a bong right before we come get you?" Dean asked, rhetorically.

"Actually Dean, he rolled a blunt," Sam said, and Castiel was almost in tears from laughing so hard.

"How the hell do you know?" Dean asked, glaring over at his brother.

"Because if he had a bong, then there wouldn't be wadded up paper all over the floor," Sam told Dean.

"Blunt," Castiel laughed, "I roll blunts. Bongs are _stupid_." Sam laughed at Castiel's statement and Dean sighed. "But Amphetamines are good."

"Are you serious?" Sam questioned.

"I'm deadly serious!" Cas sang.

"I can't take you into a bar when you're high off your ass, Castiel," Dean pointed out, "You have to sober up first."

"It'll be a minute, Dean," Sam said, "He was smoking a blunt while I knocked on the door."

Castiel obnoxiously began singing an Ariana Grande song while Dean pulled into a drive-thru.

"You're getting food to sober up, Cas, now what do you want?" Dean asked, staring at him in the rear-view mirror.

"Everything. Food is delicious," Castiel yelled, clapping his hands.

"It's like talking to a five-year-old," Dean grumbled.

Dean ordered Castiel a burger and Castiel literally devoured it in minutes. Castiel could feel himself sobering up in minutes and besides the muttering of incoherent sentences, he actually looked and sounded sober.

"Cas," Dean said, catching the stoned boy's attention.

"Fuck off, I'm Sting," Castiel said groggily, crossing his arms across his chest. Sam almost choked when he heard this.

"Castiel," Dean warned.

"Fine. I'm good. I'm _excellent_ ," Castiel laughed at the movie reference before looking back at Dean. "I'm sorry."

Dean parked into the parking lot and all three of them climbed out.

"Are you good now?" Dean asked Castiel.

"I'm spectacular," Castiel grumbled sarcastically.

Dean chuckled, "C'mon."

They were down for a good time now that Castiel was almost completely sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasted Castiel is a memory that should be cherished.


	5. "You like dicks?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I deleted this chapter accidently, so sorry if you read it, and it turns out differently. I didn't save this chapter, so I apologize because I wrote it at three in the morning, and I can't remember everything word for word.

Castiel was mostly sober now as he sat at a barstool next to Sam. He glanced behind the bartender and scanned through the shelves.

"What can I get ya?" The bartender asked, wiping a shot glass with a dish towel.

"Uh, I'll get a whiskey double," Dean said from the other side of Sam.

"I'll take a beer," Sam added.

Before Cas knew it, the three men looked over at him.

"Uh," Cas muttered, quickly scanning the shelves, "I'll take two shots of vodka."

Sam and Dean stared at Cas like he had ten heads as the bartender went off to fix their drinks.

"Vodka?" Dean asked, brows furrowed.

"Hey, I've been dying to get shitfaced for months." Castiel defended, "Do you really think I'm gonna let this offer go?"

"Did you just use the term 'shitfaced'?" Sam laughed.

"Hell yeah, I did," Castiel answered, proud of his answer.

Sam and Dean scoffed before breaking into laughter. The bartender came back with a cold beer, two shots of vodka, and a double shot glass filled with whiskey.

"Enjoy," he said before walking off to another man at end of the counter.

Sam told them that he was going to go play pool and that he'd back over here later, and Dean yelled back that they'd join later before standing up and moving to Sam's old stool next to Cas. Dean threw back his whiskey shot before turning to Cas.

"Hey, can I take one of those?" Dean asked, pointing to one of Cas' shots.

"Go ahead." Cas waved Dean off before grabbing one of the shots at the same time Dean did.

"Ready?" Dean asked. Cas nodded.

"One."

"Two."

"Three." They both threw back the shot of vodka and pulled a sour face before ferociously shaking their heads in hope for the strong, burning sensation to cool down.

" _Whoo!_ I forgot how strong vodka is!" Dean exclaimed, taking a deep breath.

Cas laughed, "It gets you hella drunk, so keep 'em coming, bartender!"

Dean laughed at Cas. Castiel suddenly heard a really familiar song play softly through a speaker.

"Oh, my God, this song is great," Castiel bragged, snapping his fingers to the beat.

"Really?" Dean questioned Castiel's taste in music.

"Yes, I do not need to discuss Miley's career; she is doing just fine, Dean," Castiel defended, eliciting a loud laugh from Dean.

"So is this really what you like to listen to?" Dean asked, referring to the Miley Cyrus song that involved Michael Jordan's number.

"Actually, she is the only person I listen to. I'm not a prude, Dean," Castiel said and grinned when the bartender placed another double shot of whiskey and two more shots of vodka.

"So who else interests you?" Dean probed, determined to get to know the blue-eyed druggie.

 _You,_ Castiel wanted to say, but who says that to a taken, straight man?

"Uh, I'd give you a genre, but I'm shit at telling the difference."

Dean found it entertaining at how much confidence Castiel said when he's taken in drugs of any sort.

"Hmm," Dean hummed in thought, "Name a song you like."

"Uh. Oh! That song I was playing earlier," Castiel said anxiously, "Dammit, I was high off my ass - uh."

Dean found himself laughing at Castiel's statement.

"Oh! 'Headstrong' by...Trapt! Yeah, that's a good song!" Castiel said.

"Trapt's a rock band," Dean told him, "Name another."

"Uh, Metallica's a band?" Castiel asked more than he stated.

"Yeah, it's a heavy metal band," Dean answered.

"Well, shit," Castiel responded.

Castiel grabbed a shot he almost forgot was there and threw it back.

" _Yahtzee_!" Castiel shouted as the burning liquid ran down his throat.

Dean threw back his vodka shot and then the whiskey straight after.

"Whoo! I'll never get used to this shit!" Dean exclaimed, shaking his head in result of the strong taste.

"So Cas, tell me about your past," Dean said, smiling over at the slightly older man.

Cas thought for a minute. He didn't want to come clean and admit that he had wasted his life loving someone who loved hurting him and drinking alcohol. He didn't want to scare Dean away. "I-I spent it with my parents," Cas half-lied. He saw his family throughout his life just not as often as he did to Gabriel.

"Quit bullshittin' me, Cas," Dean joked, "There's something you're not telling me. Oh, my God, were you a pornstar?"

Castiel chuckled at Dean's assumption. "No, I just- I spent my life with someone, that's all," Castiel said sheepishly, leaving out details purposely.

"Come on, quit teasing," Dean laughed, "Who was the lucky lady?"

Shit, Cas thought. Castiel contemplated on whether or not to admit that he was gay. He didn't want Dean to be homophobic and judge him because that's all people ever did.

"Uh, I'm gay," Castiel said barely audible.

"You like dicks?" Dean assured, "Big deal. That's cool." It was like Dean could read his thoughts.

Dean smiled at Cas to show that he wasn't going to judge him. It felt nice not to be judged for once.

Dean's ears perked up when a familiar song started playing from the speaker. "Oh, hell yeah!" Dean yelled in victory before he started drumming his fingers against the surface.

"Risin' up, back on the street," Dean sang loudly, "Did my time; took my chances."

"Went the distance; now I'm back on my feet," Castiel sang along, watching Dean as his head banged to the beat, "Just a man and his will to survive."

Castiel found it hilarious how into the song Dean really was. His shoulders moved accordingly to the beat, his fingers drummed the rhythm, and he was singing obnoxiously.

"It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival," they both sang loudly, not having a care in the world, "And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger."

It felt really nice for Castiel because he actually let himself go without giving a damn in the world. They were singing loud enough that Sam could probably hear them across the room. He opened up his heart and allowed himself to have fun instead of fearing of Gabriel popping up and hitting him again. It may've happened with the help of alcohol, but that didn't matter because Dean brought himself out of his shell, and that was all that mattered to Castiel at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you read this, and it was different. I was an idiot and deleted this chapter, and it was the only one I didn't have saved. Ironic, right? So again, I'm sorry.


	6. "What the hell are you doing with my brother's phone?"

Castiel woke up on the couch in his apartment. What the hell, he thought. He remembers going out, but he doesn't remember ending up there. His head is pounding, and he reaches over for his phone to check the time. 11:23 AM. He had eleven missed calls and three text messages from his mother, Amelia, Bonnie, and an unknown number.

He sat up with a loud groan, hitting his foot against the coffee table. "Fuckin' hell," he muttered, getting up and heading into the kitchen.

He only recalls a few moments. He remembers drinking at the bar with Dean, he remembers glimpses of what the bartender looked like and the shots he drank, but he doesn't quite remember anything else. He reached up and grabbed the bottle of Aspirin and filling a glass of nice, cold water. He threw back the pill along with the water, which brought back the memories of throwing back shots of vodka and whiskey. He could practically hear Dean's chuckle.

Castiel decided to check the voicemails and reminded himself to call them back as soon as his headache was relieved.

"Castiel, it's Bonnie, I just wanted to thank you for taking my shift yesterday. I'm flying back in this afternoon. Call me and let me know if you need a ride or anything, you know I will. Okay, bye." Castiel chuckled at Bonnie's enthusiasm. He deleted it and went onto the next one.

"Cas, I have some very important news to tell you, um, call me back as soon as you get this. Love you. Bye." That was Amelia. Castiel's eyebrows furrowed as he clicked on her his sister's contact and called her.

"Cas," Amelia said softly into the phone.

"Amy, are you okay?" Castiel asked worriedly into the phone.

"Uh, I guess. Listen, I have to tell you something, but you can't tell Mom," Amelia said, "Please."

"Alright, alright, what is it?" Castiel asked, rubbing his temples in hopes for the medicine to hurry up and work.

"I'm pregnant," Amelia practically whispered into the phone.

"What?" Castiel questioned.

"I'm pregnant, Cas. I took four tests, and I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm two weeks pregnant," she explained.

"Who's the father?" That was the only thing that was running through Castiel's head at the moment. Amelia didn't have a boyfriend...or did she?

"Amy, calm down," Castiel said soothingly, "we'll figure this out, but you have to tell Mom."

Amelia sighed, "I know, Cas, but I don't know, what if she gets angry?"

"Well, it's Mom, of course she'll get angry," Castiel tried to joke, but sighed, "The worst thing she can do is yell. You're twenty-eight, Amelia, she can't ground you or punish you anymore."

"Yeah," Amelia breathed, "I'm gonna go back over to the house, and talk to Mom 'bout it."

"Wait, you went back to your crappy apartment?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, my bitchy neighbor moved out, so I thought, why not - y'know?" Amelia laughed, "Love you, Cassie."

"I love you, too, Amy." And with that, they hung up.

Castiel walked over to his T.V. and turned it on. It was the only thing he felt like doing massively hungover.

He switched the channel to Fox, and apparently, "Family Guy" was on. He could use a good laugh.

 

After the two episodes were over, Castiel decided to go out and get fresh air. It was times like this he was gratefully he didn't have a car, so he wouldn't be tempted to drive instead of walk his lazy-ass to a 7Eleven that was nearby. It was closer to his block than the Gas-N-Sip was.

He pulled on his shoes, not really caring that he was still in his attire from yesterday and walked out of his apartment, locking his front door out of habit. He hummed as he took a deep breath. Suddenly, he realized what he was humming. The song Dean was so into the night before, and the memories flooded Cas' head. He remembered Dean head-banging to the song. His fingers drumming and occasionally pointing at Castiel for effect. Castiel remembers laughing his ass off as he sang along with Dean. Castiel remembers Sam popping up and slapping Dean in the back of the head for singing too loud, and he realized he hadn't been so happy in a long time.

Castiel arrived at the 7Eleven not long afterwards and decided to pick up a bag of chips since he was low on snacks anyways. He picked up a bag of "Classic Lays" and placed them on the counter in front of the somewhat attractive blonde, but he wasn't rooting for that team. Her name tag read 'Jessica'.

"Three thirty-eight," she said, her blue eyes glancing up at Castiel's. Castiel pulled out a five and placed it onto the counter. She placed it into the register and pulled out his change of one sixty-two. She handed him a receipt and smiled brightly at Cas. "Have a great day!" she called as he left the building, which immediately brought a familiar green-eyed, freckled man that Castiel can't help but swoon over. He sighed dreamily and decided to walk back home.

As he arrived on his block, it started to sprinkle, which made Castiel start sprinting before it rained harder. Consequently, he arrived just as soon as it poured harder.

He heard a phone ringing when he arrived inside, and when Castiel pulled out his phone from his pocket, he realized it wasn't his. He followed the sound to the living room and picked up the touch screen phone that was slightly bigger than Cas'. The contact read 'Jerk', and Castiel thought for a minute, but then he remembered after Sam whacked Dean in the back of the head.

_"Ow! What the hell, Sam?"_

_Sam laughed, "You sounded like you were choking, Jerk."_

_"You bitch," Dean grumbled._

_"Shut up," Sam laughed._

Castiel laughed lighty and realized this was Sam's phone and Dean was calling. He decided it was best to answer since Dean could probably come by and get it for him. Just the thought of him in house makes him giddy. He answered and Dean immediately began speaking.

"Sammy, I was wondering if I could stay at your place. Lisa and I are kinda fighting and hopefully Jessica won't mind, and-" Castiel found Dean's rambling cute. Wait, Castiel thought, did Dean just say 'Jessica'? The cashier at the 7Eleven flashed into his head.

"Dean?" Castiel said into the phone.

"Cas, is that you?" Dean questioned and Castiel could practically see Dean's brows furrowing, "What the hell are you doing with my brother's phone?"

"I-I don't know, it started ringing and so I answered it," Castiel answered, mentally slapping himself for saying it in the stupidest way.

"Oh, well," Dean said, "I guess I could come get it?"

"Uh, yeah," Cas said as calmly as he could, "I guess you could."

"Um, just, y'know, text me your address, and I'll be there soon," Dean said.

Castiel answered with an "okay", and they hung up, which gave Castiel full view of Sam's lock and home screen. The home screen was of him, some older man with a beard and a cap, Dean, a short, blonde woman, and an older, brunette woman, and they were posing into the camera as funny as possible. Castiel was curious, so he clicked the button and locked the phone before hitting it again to view the lock screen photo. It was of Sam and that girl Jessica, who Cas saw at the 7Eleven, and a little boy in glasses and shaggy hair was standing in front of them and was tall enough to reach their thighs. It was a family photo and Castiel smiled. I guess Sam's happy, he thought to himself before placing the phone on the table.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cas found out something about Sam. How do you feel about this book, by the way? I like to know you guys' opinions.


	7. "Come on, man! Lighten up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this may be the last chapter (for right now don't get your panties in a twist) because I'm leaving to go camping tomorrow. I may be able to update another chapter later today, tomorrow, or maybe on the way there, but I thought I'd give you a heads up. Enjoy. [P.S. This was written and posted via mobile so excuse any mistakes. Thanks.] UPDATE MARCH 4, 2017: HEYHEYHEY GUYS! GUESS WHO'S COMING BACK TO THIS STORY!! SORRY, THIS CHAPTER WAS ORGINIALLY FINISHED AND LIKE HALF OF IT IS MISSING, SO I'M GOING TO FIX THAT AND ACTUALLY UPDATE THE STORY!!

Castiel went into a cleaning frenzy when he knew Dean was coming over. The fact that Dean was coming into his house made him shiver in delight. He wanted it to be perfect because no matter how far he pushed himself away from the green-eyed beauty, he always ended up by his side. 

Cas opened up the bag of chips he bought earlier and plugged up his phone into the speaker. He was still slightly hungover and the loud music made his head pound, so he turned it down to a reasonable volume and continued on scrubbing the counters. As he scrubbed down the counters, a knock was present at the door. Shit, Castiel thought before scurrying over and opening the door. Castiel was met with familiar green eyes. He moved over allowed Dean in.

"Hi, Cas," Dean greeted as Cas shut the door behind him.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel responded, walking over to the island before wiping it down.

"So what's with cleaning?" Dean referred to the rag and the glistening, damp surface.

"Helps with a hangover," Cas responded simply, shrugging. 

Dean nodded, examining the apartment Cas lived in. Castiel felt his whole body run hot as Dean's eyed traveled around the room.

"Woah," Dean gasped, glancing over at Cas' speakers that were still lightly playing music, "nice speakers. Mind if I give 'em a try?"

Castiel ushered to them, smiling politely. "Go ahead." Just the thought of Dean touching his things made him nervous. He followed Dean into the living room, watching him as he took his phone and connected it to the aux cord. He pressed something on the screen before turning up the volume.

A melody he wasn't familiar with at first began playing and Dean was bobbing his head to the music. He began exploring Cas' apartment as the lyrics filled the room.

_"I can't erase all these years gone by--"_ Dean picked up a photograph Cas had framed. It was of him, his mother, Claire, and Amelia. 

Dean picked up a photograph Cas had framed. It was of him, his mother, Claire, and Amelia. 

"This your family?" Dean asked, and Cas nodded, watching the emerald-eyed boy.

Dean gave a small smile before placing the picture back on the shelf.

_"Everything is changing; everything just stays the same--"_ Dean made his way towards Cas.

Dean made his way towards Cas.

"Come on, man! Lighten up!" Dean laughed, grabbing Cas' hands and leading him into the kitchen.

"I-I don't know this song," Cas responded sheepishly, and Dean just smiled before jogging over to the speakers, turning them up and running back. He sang the lyrics as he grabbed one of Cas' hands, placing the other on his hip. Cas hesitantly placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean grinned.

"You feel me; I'm under. I lost my place in life!" Dean sang along loudly, swaying to the beat of the song, moving Cas along with him. Cas couldn't help but laugh as Dean spun him around.

Dean walked them back again before stepping to the left, leading the pair into a dance that paced with the music. Dean hummed and Cas looked down at their feet nervously. Dean did the move where he took both of Cas' hands and dragged the blue-eyed man out before pulling him back into his arms. They were swaying again and they were looking into each other's eyes. The atmosphere in the room drastically shifted and the tension was substantial.

_"You feel me;_

_I'm under,_

_I lost my place in life._

_Still ready,_

_Maybe crazy."_

Dean spun Cas a final time, the tension still high but neither seemed to care.

_"Don't know,_

_Don't have a clue."_

Dean was gazing at Cas' lips--it made the other's heart flip.

_"I've always been the one standing next to you."_

Just as Dean's lips were so close to brushing, the phone in Cas' pocket rang. Startled, they both quickly pulled apart and stared wide-eyed at each other. Cas finally realized what happened and pulled Sam's phone from his pocket. The screen read "Jessica." He answered as Dean unplugged his phone.

"Hello?" Cas spoke into the phone.

"Thank God, it's you," Sam spoke up, "I was worried some stranger found my phone."

Cas smiled slightly. "Don't worry, Sam. I woke up, and it was in my pocket," Cas told him, and Sam sighed.

"I'm not sure how it got there, but I'm the one who carried you into the house when you passed out last night--" Cas looked over at Dean who looked straight back at him. Cas looked down at the floor, overwhelmed by his stare.

"I passed out?" Cas ran a hand over his face. Sam sounded amused.

"Yeah, man. You passed out right on the barstool. I had to carry you to the car and into your apartment."

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, feeling embarrassment wash over him. "I'm so sorry, Sam."

Sam laughed, "Don't worry about it! I'll be right over there to pick up my phone--"

Cas interrupted, "No, wait! Dean's here. He can just bring it to you."

Sam went silent for a second. "Why is Dean there?" he inquired.

"Uh," Cas bit his lip, looking back up at Dean, remembering the almost-kiss, "He called you and came over to pick it up for you."

"Alright," Sam answered slowly, almost sounding unsure, "Well, thank you for holding onto it for me."

"No problem." And with that, Sam hung up. He looked up at Dean and knew that he was going to officially be the death of him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they almost kissed. I know, I know, I left you with a cliffhanger. 'M sorry. I'll try to update one more time tomorrow. Love you. X


	8. "I'm fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I've been home for a week now, and I should've updated sooner since I came home earlier than expected, but I had to do tons of chores, and I ended up watching an amazing movie, so I got caught up in things that I completely forgot, and I apologize. So here's a chapter. And so yeah.

Castiel groaned when his alarm alerted him awake. He no longer could sit at home thinking about his "almost kiss" with Dean. Dean, that was all he could think of. Fictional scenarios kept bubbling up in his mind.

"Fuck," he grunted, throwing the blanket off himself.

He couldn't go out and drink because he worked a double shift today. Castiel's main problem was that he drank and smoked his problems away. He could always call in sick? But the sound of Bonnie honking meant that wasn't an option anymore.

Castiel was fully dressed in his vest and stepped out of his apartment with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Castiel!" Bonnie smiled as Cas climbed into her car. "It's good to see you!"

Castiel smiled politely before tuning her out, too tuned into his thoughts. He can't get the almost-kiss out of his head. He liked Dean so much that you could practically call it love, but Castiel would sheepishly disagree. He couldn't imagine life without Dean. Even if he and Dean got together, Dean would never hurt Cas intentionally, but a part of Cas couldn't believe it, no matter how much he wanted to. Of course, Castiel didn't want to go through _another_ abusive relationship with a man he thought loved him. The thought of Dean being an abusive boyfriend made his stomach churn. He felt like he was going to throw up, so he yelled out, "Stop the car!"

Bonnie's car came to an abrupt stop, along with the screech of brakes, and Castiel ran out of the car and over to the nearest bush. He let it all out behind it. He always ended up puking when he thought of the things (or similar) that Gabriel did to him, and when he thought about _Dean_ doing exactly those things, it made him to the point where he couldn't keep it back.

"Cas, are you okay?" Bonnie inquired, worriedly, "Are you going to be able to last at work?"

Castiel nodded, but the truth was, he didn't.

Castiel ended up thinking about it and puked all over the counter, Naomi sent him home. Bonnie couldn't drive him home, so he had to call the one person he didn't want to: Dean.

"Yeah?" Dean's voice rang through the phone, causing shudders of delight to run down Cas' spine.

"Dean," Castiel choked out. This was way too painful.

"Cas?" Dean confirmed, a pang of confusion in his tone, "why are you calling me?"

The question didn't even come out harsh or anything but curiosity, and it still made Castiel's stomach churn in nervousness.

"I- uh- I need a ride home," Castiel answered barely above a whisper, "I got- uh- sent home because I got sick."

"Cas," Dean sighed, "okay, I'm comin'. Stay put; I'll be there in ten minutes, alright?"

"Yeah," Cas breathed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. This pain wouldn't go away. He didn't want Dean to turn into Gabriel; he didn't even want to _see_ Dean right now.

Dean hung up, and Cas sat on the curb sadly. He let himself cry out the pain. He hated Gabriel, he hated himself, and right now, he even hated Dean. He put this on himself. He was so afraid of Gabriel finding him again, he shut off all contact. He hadn't see Anna and Michael, his two best friends, since high school, and Castiel was almost  _thirty._

Cas felt his stomach churn once more at the thought of Gabriel returning. He remembers the day he left Gabriel.

_"Fuckin' hell," Gabriel growled as he walked into their shared apartment, "Castiel, I fucking told you: you are not leaving me."_

_But Cas was. He was packing his things, tired of being pushed around. "Baby," Gabriel said gently, but Cas ignored him and continued to stuff his suitcase. "Look at me, dammit!" Gabriel yelled, forcing Cas to turn and drop whatever he was holding. "You're not leaving," Gabriel warned through a low, gravelly voice, "I will find you and beat the living shit out of you."_

Cas remembered wanting to desperately stand up for himself, but all his confidence washed away when the beatings started. Even years after Gabriel, Castiel can't stand to be yelled at. He'd always break down and apologize, and everyone would pity him. Of course, Cas hated pity, but what could he do about it now? He had lost his confidence, his pride; drunk he even forgot the feeling of being secure. He never felt safe unless he was with his dad, and now that he's AWOL, he has no one.

Dean pulled up to where Cas was and noticed he had been crying. 

"Cas?" Dean called, and Cas' head shot up. Tears rolled down his cheeks and his body trembled slightly. "Come on, buddy, let's get you home." Dean wrapped his hands around Cas' arms and lifted him to his feet. Castiel felt all his pain melt away when Dean touched him, completely forgetting the earlier thoughts. 

Dean helped Castiel into the passenger side of the Impala. "Alright, there you go," Dean muttered, making sure Cas was completely in the car before shutting the door and walking around the front to his side. Castiel wanted to acknowledge Dean, but the thoughts were slowly coming back, and Cas didn't want to puke in Dean's really nice car.

Dean glanced over at Cas, who was ignoring Dean's presence by looking out the window. Cas was slowly becoming afraid of Dean, the same way he had with Gabriel. He didn't want his only friend to beat him repeatedly. 

"Cas," Dean called, "how're you feelin'?"

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, which only made the tears slip out. "I'm fine," Cas managed to mutter. No, he wasn't fine - he was far from it.

Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly, contemplating on whether or not to address Cas of the lie. Cas obviously wasn't fine. "So Cas," Dean said, loud enough for Cas to hear, "you wanna buy beers and get hella drunk?" Cas glanced over at Dean with glassy eyes that were still filled with tears and smiled. "Sure, Dean."


End file.
